The Reasonably Impressive Do-Gooder of Oz

Once there was a young girl named Dorothy. Dorothy lived on a farm with her dog Toto, her Aunt Em and three farmhands that would eventually become anthropomorphic personifications during a hallucinogenic episode following a bump on the head. During an attempt to run away from home a tornado arrives, grabs her house and sends it to Oz, dropping it on a witch who was terrorizing some midgets. In appreciation for this accidental rescue, the midgets and Mr. Bubble’s wife sing to her and then send her away alone to a green castle wherein she can catch a ride back home with the castles’ proprietor (since the odds of another tornado coming along and reversing the process was highly unlikely).  But before Dorothy can leave, the witch’s evil sister (who was terribly sea-sick) arrives and threatens to kill Dorothy because she is jealous of her shoes.  Mrs. Bubbles then points out she is outnumbered and then the witch leaves very over dramatically.
En route to a picture of the shiny green castle in the background, Dorothy meets a Scarecrow made completely of straw who has no brain yet shows amazing dexterity despite this deficiency.  He joins her and they continue on their way through a forest of demon possessed apple trees. They next happen upon a rusted man made of tin who has no heart (nor any need of one but wants one anyway). After Dorothy WD-40’s him, he too can sing and dance and apparently has phenomenal abs as he can lean very far to one side or the other without falling over. He too chooses to follow Dorothy and the Scarecrow, all assuming that whoever is giving her a ride home will most likely also have a spare heart and brain to give away. The awkward threesome continue on their way through the dark and scary (yet remarkably well paved) forest when suddenly a gay lion with anger management issues attacks them. After being struck on the hand, he cries and confesses he has no courage.  The other two of Dorothy’s companions are silently jealous that he has all his internal organs. They invite the poor distraught talking animal to join them, assuming the nice cab driver/surgeon will also be a hypnotherapist and will provide him with the courage he needs. 
The group then skipped in perfect unison all the way to green castle which is conveniently much larger and closer now.
To be continued….

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