Archive for October, 2007

Your Kids Can Read This

October 29, 2007

dating

Because I used the word death one time. Ha. Honestly, I was expecting PG-13 or worse lol. Maybe my sarcasm isn’t as offensive as I thought. I’ll have to be more assertive I guess ūüėČ

Free Publicity

October 25, 2007
 A little something to get everyone in the mood for Halloween.  And also a parody of one of my favorite movies. 
 How Hilarious.  Ha!
And while I’m plugging websites, here’s a few others I enjoy¬†
 Fanboys Online
Joe Loves Crappy Movies
Least I Could Do
I Can Has Cheezburger?
VG Cats and Fanboys are primarily video game based humor so they may not be for everyone.¬† Generally these are all SFW so click away and have a laugh or three. I Can Has¬†Cheezburger is an internet phenom that probably deserves it’s own blog entry.¬† Seriously, look into it sometime.¬† It has developed not just a cult following, but it’s own grammar rules and glossary.¬† Check the Wikki.
Have a great weekend everyone!
J

I Went to Jersey. Wii!!

October 22, 2007
Howdy Everyone!Had a pretty great weekend, hope you all did as well.  I hit 4 out of the 5 burrows and New Jersey this weekend.  
I went to a halloween festival type thing out in Flemmington NJ with some friends from Bklyn.¬† I was¬†pleasantly¬†shocked by south Jersey, I really was.¬† Back roads, trees, stars, country music¬†and RANDOM legit¬†southern accents from the locals.¬† It was a pretty neat little event.¬† There was a 45 minute hayride (ha!) that took us out through the woods and people would jump out and (try to) scare people.¬†¬†A few people were REALLY into it and screaming like crazy.¬† Much enjoyment for people like me who don’t spook very easily.¬† After the hayride they drop you off at the south end of a cornfield (at night, mind you)¬†with a maze cut out into it.¬† It’s not really a maze of course, just a winding path back to the main festival.¬† There were people set up in there as well.¬† Man, I want that job.¬† A couple of the more convincing spooks had chainsaw motors with fake pointy ends on them.¬† Sounded darn convincing though.¬† I have to admit one of those guys got me pretty good.¬† He waited for us to walk past and then cranked it up from behind.¬†¬†Had he not been the size of three of me he might have been in trouble.¬† Exiting the cornfield opens you up to the line for the haunted house.¬† I was underwhelmed with that as it was very predictable where everyone was going to be.¬† I’d like to take this opportunity to thank the Resident Evil video game series for desensitizing me and teaching me how to check my surroundings for zombies.

Also this weekend I broke down and got

Metroid Prime 3 and Excite Truck¬†for the Wii.¬† My life is a little more complete now.¬† As a result, you may not hear from me for a week or two lol.¬† Be sure and check out the video for Excite Truck and note how you steer.¬† Wonderful use of the Wii technology.I suppose that’s it for now.¬† I’m ready to finish up October and get on with November (So I can get on with December and go see my family).
Y’all be good!

J

 

My Next Vacation

October 17, 2007
I’ve never¬†traveled outside the U.S. before and so I’ve been¬†thinking about where I want to take¬†my next vacation.¬†¬†I think I may have found the perfect spot!¬† I’ve transcribed some of the brochure here.¬† Anybody care to come with me??

P.C. Land
 
Climate and Customs
 
As this is a tropical area, you can enjoy the warm sun and beaches most of the year. Be careful in the late summer and early fall however, as this is the beginning of the Personcane* (see footnote below) season which brings constant windy and rainy storms.
 
The people of P.C. Land also anxiously await the cooler months when they celebrate the non religion specific late December holidays and warmly greet one another with a festive (and inoffensive) ‚ÄúHello‚ÄĚ.¬†Each home is allowed one colored light of their choosing to adorn their homes in honor of the holiday season.¬†This is the most sensitive way to deal with holiday decor, as some neighbors may be of differing religious backgrounds and find some more outlandish displays (such as 2 or 3 lights) highly degrading.
 
Cultural Diversity
 
Due to the rigorous and exhausting complications from race and culture, all residents** are simply known as Hued Living Beings. Currently, P.C. Land proudly brags it is inhabited completely by Hued Living Beings (a statistic unmatched by any other country).
 
Romantic Atmosphere
 
Love is in the air in P.C. Land!¬†On any given weekend you can see a Voluntary Legal Union Ceremony going on.¬†VLUC‚Äôs (‚Äúweddings‚ÄĚ are far to religion specific) are a wonderful display of acceptance as men and women, men and men, women and women, men dressed as women and women dressed as men, men/women and assorted farm animals, family members, certain intellectual aquatic animals and the occasional flora are all allowed and encouraged to intermarry and have very confused and ugly children.¬†To show appropriate submission between participants, the last name (if present) is dropped entirely to avoid any misconception about one being superior to the other in any way.¬†In it‚Äôs place they assume a mutually accepted identity such as ‚ÄúThe Smiths‚ÄĚ and that becomes their new name.¬†By law, each individual in the union must have separate banks no less than 50 miles apart from one another and bank accounts are completely confidential and accessible only by retinal scan.¬†Nobody is known to be a ‚Äúprimary‚ÄĚ anything in P.C. Land, especially a primary bread-winner.
 
Local Wildlife
 
Thanks to the great efforts of PETA, no animals are detained or disciplined in any way as this hurts their feelings. They are instead allowed complete freedom to roam wherever they wish and occasionally maul those that get too close. Of course in such instances those animals who injure others are treated with the same rights as all Hued Living Beings who commit physical offenses.  They are given a stern talking to by a local celebrity and then sent home without dinner.
 
Tired of feeling like your every need is not being met? Do you often feel like you’re not the center of the universe when you clearly should be?  Then please, give P.C. Land a chance. We promise you the most inoffensive, sickeningly polite and Politically Correct vacation of your life. Come see what it’s like to live P.C.!!
  
  
*After a series of voting, it was decided that ‚Äúhurricane‚ÄĚ sounded far too chauvinistic and gave the impression women were somehow at fault.¬† A similar ruling applied in the court cases regarding the Spiderperson and Batperson¬†comic book series’.
 
**A ‚Äúresident‚ÄĚ is defined as anyone who crosses into the boundaries of P.C. Land.¬†Upon entering the country a language test is immediately submitted***
 
***to everyone else who is already here. Those who fail are asked to take a very lengthy and expensive 5 semester language course mastering the new language of the newcomer so he/she/it/them/they will not feel uncomfortable at any time while purchasing food.

 

 

The Other Side of the Tracts

October 11, 2007
There’s a growing trend among Christian churches these days to have regular smaller meetings of church members outside of the church.¬† I’ve heard them called community groups, small groups, family groups and growth groups.¬† This is an opportunity for church members to learn from one another as they study and to inspire¬†friendships to be formed by church members, thus drawing “the church” closer together as one body.¬†Kind of sad that this can’t be actually done AT church, but what are you gonna do?Of the previously mentioned list, I have joined a “Growth Group”.¬† Our first meeting was last week and at this meeting amidst the awkward small talk that I love so much, we were given a Covenant to sign stating 1) our dedication to the readings and 2) that we would commit to regular attendance.¬† I have no problem with this.¬† I do however have a problem with the other three addendums to the covenant which said we would3) Serve 5 Sundays at church as part of the welcoming group, beverage service and other spots
4) Go evangelize and hand out tracts and church information on the street
5) Invite friends to church.

It’s funny –¬†all the info I was handed at church trying to inspire me to join a growth group promised I would meet fellow Christians, engage in bible study and grow closer to God.¬† I get to our first meeting and also find out I will be free labor for the church.¬† I have a¬†serious¬†issue with the fact they waited until I was at the end of the first meeting and then asked me to sign MY NAME to something that I can only see as a guilt trip.¬† Tell me how I’m not supposed to feel like an awful person if I choose not to sign this document in the presence of a church leader.¬† I was promised a meaningful experience learning about God – instead I’m asked to¬†also be a PR¬†rep for a church I’m not even a member of.

And then there’s the gospel tracts.¬† Oh how I despise gospel tracts.¬†I think tracts only add to an already devastated image of Christians as bible beaters.¬†¬†I believe in relational Christianity first and foremost.¬† That means spreading the word of God through actually living life and investing in others.¬† Actions speaking louder than words.¬†¬†Let me explain it this way: Jesus did not walk up to total strangers and ask them, “Have you found me?”¬† He met them, helped them or got to know them¬†on a personal level (gaining their trust)¬†and THEN revealed himself as the Son of God.¬† Once he did that, the people saw him and believed and then CAME TO HIM for what he had to offer.¬† I will readily share my faith with anyone who has questions and wants it, but who am I to tell a person they should believe something else?¬† Who am I to approach a total stranger uninvited and tell them they should believe like me?¬†¬†I’m not Jesus and I believe He is the only person who has ever had that kind of authority.¬†¬†

And further more, on top of the tracts I’m handing out information about the church itself.¬† Now I’m spreading the word¬†of God AND the church I am not a member of.

I couldn’t make it to our second meeting last night because I had to work.¬† I have a previous engagement that will keep me from going next week.¬† I don’t know if I’ll go to the third because I will have already missed so much and I’m still a little iffy about their motives.¬† I would not be near as concerned or upset if they had told me up front about all the little extras required.

I’d love a little feedback guys.¬† Am I being petty or selfish?¬† Does my argument have any merit?¬† Does anyone agree with me?¬†¬†

Much Love,
J