No Mosh, Por Favor

Living in NYC almost requires one to experience new things.  I have encountered many in my time here in the city but this past Tuesday night was definitely one of the craziest.

About 3 months ago I was turned on to a band by the name of Dragonforce*.  When Roomie and I heard they were coming to town we promptly bought General Admission tickets so we could be in the pit as close as possible.  We got there early and were fortunate enough to get a spot front and center, right on the rail.  This ingenious idea brought J to his first Mosh Pit. 

Simply defined, a mosh pit is the center portion of a crowd at a concert beating the hell out of one another in an effort to fight to the front closest to the performing band.

If I may use a farming simile, it’s a lot like 300 pigs trying to get at 5 tits.

Only it’s not pigs, but a herd of drunk, angry, smelly gorillas, badgers and velociraptors all wearing Vans.  Every rumor you might have heard about a mosh pit is one hundred percent true.  I got elbows jabbed into both sides, my feet were stomped on the whole time and occasionally I was forced to climb over a few people myself just to stay upright.  Suddenly from deep within me a pure animalistic rage and some kind of carnal defense mechanism kicked in and I began to cry started sucker punching people in the ribs just to keep them off me.  This was all during the first and second opening acts before Dragonforce had even taken the stage.  Once it was time for Dragonforce to begin I was relieved because surely the crowd would calm a bit and pay closer attention to the headlining act.

About the time my face was forced into an open armpit while simultaneously being kicked in the back of the head by a passing crowd surfer (no exaggeration, folks), I decided I had had enough “fun” and wanted to actually watch the band I paid money to see.  After killing three people fighting my way out of the pit (only a slight exaggeration here), I made my way to the back of the room where I finished the concert in relative peace.

I cannot in good conscience refer to myself as an educated person and still call that “fun”.  That’s fun and exciting in an “I think I’ll go stand out in the hurricane” kind of way.  Or perhaps, “Yeah, I’ll help you finish that bottle of Jägermeister”.  Or even, “Of course I’ll watch that Paulie Shore marathon with you”.  Sure it sounds fun at first, but you’re going to end up in excruciating pain and with a lot of regret the next morning.

Honestly, I enjoyed the music and performance of all three bands.  What was on stage was fantastic.  It was what happened about 10 feet away from the stage that made for a rough night.

Rock on,

* If you don’t watch the whole video, at least fast forward to 3:20 and watch a minute or two.  Yeah, I saw that LIVE.


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4 Responses to “No Mosh, Por Favor”

  1. Popgun Says:

    I don’t even like high-school pep-rallies. For that matter, do they still have them?

  2. sford Says:

    I love the Pauly Shore reference!

  3. Jean Says:

    I love playing outside in hurricanes. I’m not even kidding. Below a cat 2 storm, all bets are off, and if the storm is still a day or two out, you’ll probably find me body surfing.


  4. Jon Decker Says:

    ☺ She’s not joking… ☺ And I love Mosh pits. That’s the concert event type I attend usually. If it freaks you out too much, just stick to the Ipood version of their music, it’s safer.

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