Archive for February, 2010

I Forgot The Halo

February 27, 2010

Winter is fun!

– J

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Moon Pies

February 22, 2010

The Moon Pie

Description

Moon Pies are by description, marshmallow filling between two pieces of cake.  Moon Pies are in actuality, not.  The substance in the center remains a mystery, but the outer cookie-esque layers are a rare combination of graham cracker and cardboard (the cardboard gives it its nice, flakey consistency).

Moon Pies come in two flavors: Yellow and Brown.  The package might say Banana or chocolate, but trust me on this – the flavors are yellow and brown.

Consumption

There are certain requirements for a Moon Pie to truly be a Moon Pie.  Most of them have to do with the overall experience more than the taste.
  • Must be purchased from the shelf of a gas station
  • Is curiously dry
  • The outer layer must stick to the wrapper when opened
  • Must be consumed with an R.C. Cola

The R.C. Cola is an interesting requirement, and probably not everyone will agree with me.   The combination of a Moon Pie and any soda* is something that only the digestive system of a 10 year old boy (or a mountain goat) can typically handle.  Much like soda and pop rocks, but not nearly as entertaining.

Miscellaneous

There are many bizarre and inexplicable facts of life in the universe.  One such universal anomaly is the age of the Moon Pie.  For unknown reasons, the expiration date marked on each individual Moon Pie is perpetually one month older than whatever date you find it. For example, if you find your Moon Pie in February 2010, the expiration marked on the package will be at least January 2010 (or earlier).  The greatest scientists in the world have been unable to explain this phenomenon, primarily because they haven’t tried.  My guess is that somehow time slowed down in old gas stations and we just never noticed.

Hope you’ve enjoyed this brief history of snackology.  If you’ve never had one and come across a Moon Pie, go for it.  They don’t taste “bad” exactly.  They just… taste.  I will however say that if this is what people eat exclusively on the moon, I’ll happily stay Earthbound a while.

– J

* Pronounced “coke”

Silent Letters

February 18, 2010

Thoughts on “B”

Stupid B.  As if enough words don’t already start with you, you have to go sticking yourself in places you don’t belong.  Numb, dumb, thumb, plumber, crumb, tomb, womb, comb, lamb.  Damb it B, what gives you the right to just join in wherever you feel like?  “Oh it’s cool,” you say. “I’m being silent.”  No, what you’re doing is taking up space and keystrokes.  You don’t improve peoples word counts, you just make spellcheck work harder.  If you ask me, I think you have co-dependency issues with M, since you seemb to always need to be right beside himb.  Get a life.

Thoughts on “K”

You’re no better than B.  You and your knights, knives, knees, knobs and knickers.  But you’re not even content to jump in at the end of a word.  You’re so attention starved that you jump in the front of words, seriously confusing children learning to use phonics and dictionaries at the same time.  What do you have against N that you keep cutting him off?  You already come before him in alphabetised lists.  What more do you want?

Somebody has to put the alphabet in its place.  Might as well be me.

– J

Edge of Darkness

February 16, 2010

I saw Edge of Darkness yesterday, the latest movie starring Mel Gibson.  I really enjoyed it.  It was nice to see him just acting in a movie again.  No personal messages and no political or religious crap. 

In short, Boston police officer Thomas Craven’s daughter comes home for a visit and is murdered soon after arriving.  Being a cop it’s assumed that he was the intended target but it quickly becomes apparent that she was murdered for a reason. 

It’s a good solid movie and presented in a very engaging way.  It’s not an action flick.  It’s more like a mystery.  Not a “Who-Done-It” so much as a “Why-Done-It”.  The action, mostly in the form of short fights or shootouts, made sense within the plot and was never over the top.  As a good comparison, if you liked Taken with Liam Neeson you’ll probably enjoy this one too. 

Gibson’s still got amazing screen presence and despite his odd habit of occasionally screaming anti-semitic obscenities at police officers, he remains one of my favorite actors.

Welcome back, Mel.  We missed you.  And now that you’re back, let’s keep the crazy to a minimum this time around, shall we? 

– J

Slip, Thud, Slip, Thud

February 12, 2010

“It’s a dangerous business, Frodo, going out of your door,” he used to say. “You step into the road, and if you don’t keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to.”

JR Tolkien – Lord of the Rings

I know exactly where the icy road swept me off to this morning.  My back.  Not thirty seconds after leaving the house I found myself laying on the sidewalk.  Aren’t mornings like this usually reserved for Mondays?

– J

February

February 5, 2010

February.  The non-conformist month.  Other months had to pick between 30 or 31 days.  Nope, not February.  February said, “You know what, I’m just not that motivated.  I think 28 days is plenty.  And you know what else?  I’m going to put an “r” in my name just to confuse people.”

February is a lazy month and tries to put off doing as much actual “work” as possible.  About halfway through, February likes to take advantage of all those people in lurv* and distracted by their lurvliness.  Then he coasts by the last week or so.  Usually by tossing in random snow storms to keep people occupied. 

You may not know this, but March and February do not get along.  The reason March feels like it takes forever is because it has 31 days to pick up February’s slack. 

But every 4 years or so February gets motivated.  “Okay, fine.  Sorry I’ve been a bum lately, guys.  I’m going to do more to pull my weight around here.  I’m going to add another day.  Because I’m just that kind of month.  Please, please…  Don’t thank me.  Glad to help out.”

And the other months think, “Maybe this time he means it.  Maybe he really is changing for the better.  Who knows?  Next year he might finally hit 30 days like the rest of us.”

But he never does.  He goes right back to his old routine.  Some months just never change.

– J

*Lurv – The early stages of love, when it’s still in that pubescent stage that (like any teenager) annoys the crap out of everyone within a 20 foot radius.  Except the two people in it, of course.