Silent Letters

Thoughts on “B”

Stupid B.  As if enough words don’t already start with you, you have to go sticking yourself in places you don’t belong.  Numb, dumb, thumb, plumber, crumb, tomb, womb, comb, lamb.  Damb it B, what gives you the right to just join in wherever you feel like?  “Oh it’s cool,” you say. “I’m being silent.”  No, what you’re doing is taking up space and keystrokes.  You don’t improve peoples word counts, you just make spellcheck work harder.  If you ask me, I think you have co-dependency issues with M, since you seemb to always need to be right beside himb.  Get a life.

Thoughts on “K”

You’re no better than B.  You and your knights, knives, knees, knobs and knickers.  But you’re not even content to jump in at the end of a word.  You’re so attention starved that you jump in the front of words, seriously confusing children learning to use phonics and dictionaries at the same time.  What do you have against N that you keep cutting him off?  You already come before him in alphabetised lists.  What more do you want?

Somebody has to put the alphabet in its place.  Might as well be me.

– J

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4 Responses to “Silent Letters”

  1. Ali Says:

    How unfair! You attack poor B and K, but completely ignore the true force of evil in the English language–“L”.

    Walk. Talk. Would. Could. Should.

    If the goal is for D to end the word in its unrivaled talented method, L is an unwanted, cluttered, ellipsed dastard of a letter.

  2. popgun Says:

    ‘Knock’ has a k on both ends, neither of which is needed…

    You didn’t even mention all those sounds that have to be made with two letters, like ‘th’. Wasted bandwidth.

    This is what happens when you let somebody invent written language without making it truly phonetic.

    Just think about the computer storage that would be saved if we eliminated all those unnecessary characters!

    -Popgun

  3. SFord Says:

    I would have to say the silent “G” is my biggest enemy. My two favorite words are GNAT and GNOME. I use them in casual conversation on a nearly daily basis. When it comes time to write or type them, I just cringe and get very uneasy.

    I’m glad I don’t use the word GNOSTIC as much as I probably should. That might lead me over the edge. Who knows what my lack of anger management could produce?

  4. Texas Grandma Says:

    What is the thing with Q and U there is not a single word that starts with a Q that U is not the next letter. Quirky isn’t it or maybe just queer.

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