Archive for September, 2011

Spreading the Sweetness

September 23, 2011

I’m kind of a genius.  A few years ago I discovered that if you put the sugar in before your coffee, the hot coffee will then melt the sugar and make the whole mixing process a lot easier.

Wednesday morning when making my daily cup of caffeinated wonderment, I smugly reached for my sugar packet watching the poor soul next to me add sugar to coffee that already had milk in it.  *Sigh* Some people.

Anyway, it’s time to do the flicky-flicky-flicky thing to get all the sugar in the bottom of the packet.  My favorite part.  But wouldn’t you know it there was a hole in the bottom of the packet, effectively spreading Sugar in the Raw clear to Jersey.  Seriously y’all, I think I may have found a revolutionary way to seed huge fields.

Okay, not the best way to start the workday but surely an isolated incident.  Cut to Thursday.  I’ve already forgotten yesterdays mishap and now it’s time for another cup of Jason’s Motor Skills.  Flicky-flicky-flicky AW FOR CRYIN’ OUT LOUD, NOT AGAIN?!?

This morning, just moments ago…  I have never so cautiously selected a packet of sugar in my life.  And I’m happy to report zero sugar spray.

Yep.  It’s going to be a good day.

Happy Friday!


I am Blogger…

September 21, 2011

And now, Variations of a Famous Phrase.

“I am woman, hear me roar!”

Today’s phrase comes from the opening lines of the 1970 song “I am Woman”, written by Helen Reddy which quickly became an anthem for the women’s liberation movement happening around the same time.

I, being the smartass creative person that I am, insist on taking such a phrase and branching it out a bit. Surely women aren’t the only people out there who need a voice. So here are a few more unappreciated groups that I feel could potentially make use of a good battle cry.

  • I am Historian, hear me lore
  • I am Math Teacher, hear me bore
  • I am Sad, cheer me more!
  • I am Bull, hear me gore
  • I am Beggar, hear me poor
  • I am Indian Tracker, me hear floor
  • I am Rower, hear me oar
  • I am Golfer, hear me, “Fore!!”
  • I am Sheep, shear me more.
  • I am Sleeping, hear me snore
  • I am Prostitute, hear me whore
  • I am Grounded, hear me chore
  • I am Supersonic Pilot, hear me soar

This is the kind of humor that can also result from having too much Pratchett in your diet. Oh well, hopefully good for a laugh or two. Of course sharing your own empowering battle cries is encouraged. I gave up trying to find one for Texan, Blogger, New Yorker and various Star Wars characters.

– J