Posts Tagged ‘rant’

Well, We May’d It

June 2, 2011

Enter June and 4 months of sleepless nights and me being a whiney brat.  My disdain for summer heat is almost legendary.  Most of my friends really just don’t get the misery involved for me.  You winter haters put on a few extra layers and you can at least still function.  Us summer haters suffer no matter how many layers we take off.  In fact, take off too many in public and you can even get arrested.

My recent revelation is that sunburns and sunscreen are obvious signs that we’re not even designed to be outside in temperatures above 75.  If I have to put a layer of slime on my skin to protect myself from the outside world, then I’m probably not supposed to be in it in the first place.  Sunscreen: The Hazmat suit of summer.

And let’s not forget how bad summer is for the environment.  Everybody’s running air conditioners all over the world, using more water because you have to take more baths and buying more bottled water to stay hydrated.  Summer is killing the planet, y’all.  That carbon footprint we’re all so worried about?  It’s being made by a sandal.

Okay.  Summer rant is done.  We now return you to your regularly, not-scheduled updating.

– J

What Recession?

June 21, 2010

In the last week we’ve been bombarded with news about Apple’s new iPhone.  It’s been well documented that in 24 hours there were 600,000 pre-orders for the new iPhone.  Pre.

Starting price for the iPhone is $400.00.  Let’s go ahead and tack on all the plans, bedazzled cases, etc and say $500.00  I think that’s fair.

My superior math skills tell me that in 1 day people spent $300 million dollars on the same thing.  Actually, no.  They spent that much on a confirmation number.

We as a species can’t feed and clothe everyone, but in one damn day we proved just how much we’re willing to spend on a unified interest.  We have serious priority issues, we all know it, and we’re not going to do a thing about it.

Not saying I’ve done my part.  As I type this I’m downloading the upgrade for the iPhone I already have.  I’m just processing some thoughts and felt like sharing.  Sorry if I’m coming across like some pretentious Bono wanna-be.


Silent Letters

February 18, 2010

Thoughts on “B”

Stupid B.  As if enough words don’t already start with you, you have to go sticking yourself in places you don’t belong.  Numb, dumb, thumb, plumber, crumb, tomb, womb, comb, lamb.  Damb it B, what gives you the right to just join in wherever you feel like?  “Oh it’s cool,” you say. “I’m being silent.”  No, what you’re doing is taking up space and keystrokes.  You don’t improve peoples word counts, you just make spellcheck work harder.  If you ask me, I think you have co-dependency issues with M, since you seemb to always need to be right beside himb.  Get a life.

Thoughts on “K”

You’re no better than B.  You and your knights, knives, knees, knobs and knickers.  But you’re not even content to jump in at the end of a word.  You’re so attention starved that you jump in the front of words, seriously confusing children learning to use phonics and dictionaries at the same time.  What do you have against N that you keep cutting him off?  You already come before him in alphabetised lists.  What more do you want?

Somebody has to put the alphabet in its place.  Might as well be me.

– J

The Times (Square), They are a Changin’

September 30, 2009

The Virgin Megastore on Times Square is being replaced by a Forever 21.


Oh, and an American Eagle is opening up right across the street from it.  Times Square is supposed to be energy, traffic and excitement.  It should live up to its image as “the crossroads of the world”.  Instead, in just a few months it’s become a popular lounge area with all the spunk of a well-lit outlet mall.

Why do I have the sudden urge to watch Empire Records?

– J

A Critical Critic Critique

June 30, 2009

Howdy gang,

Saturday morning I went to see Transformers, Revenge of the Fallen.  I was anxious to see if it was worthy of the verbal crucifixion it’s been receiving from the critics.

I’m glad to say it’s exactly what it was billed as:  Giant robots and explosions occasionally interrupted by close ups of Megan Fox.  I didn’t go in expecting Dead Poets Society, so I was thoroughly entertained.  Unlike most critics, I have a very hard time taking a movie based on a 1980’s toy line seriously.  When these pompous movie critics talk about how shallow of a movie Transformers is, it makes me wonder if they also sit on their couches with their kids griping about the slow moving plots on Dora the Explorer.

In five days this movie made 201 meellion dollars*.  Do you think this was because people wanted to see a powerful life changing movie full of heart and soul or do you think it was because they just wanted to see Optimus Prime beating the censored out of Megatron?  Exactly.  And what do you know, people got what they wanted.  I call that a success for a summer action flick.

Y’all be good,


Also, special thanks to Jon over at Xonikz for the shiny new header.  If you aren’t friends with any mad scientists creative geniuses yet, I highly recommend it.

Happy Tuesday!

* Sorry, I couldn’t think of  a better Dr. Evil joke.

Kumar Fubar

April 8, 2009

I only follow a few shows on television and of those only one has a plot – House M.D. 

We live in the age of DVR and I fully embrace it.  I’m usually an episode or two behind in House and I look forward to taking in a mini-marathon of new episodes every couple of weeks.

Imagine my frustration yesterday when the headline on 3 different news sites featured the shocking suicide of one of the characters on Monday night’s episode (complete with character name and photo).

Spoiler much?

I was seriously hacked.  So last night I sat down and didn’t enjoy a single minute of the two new episodes I watched because I knew exactly what was going to happen.

Why did this character of all television suicides make national headlines and ruin the surprise for thousands of viewers?

Because the actor left the show to go work for Obama .

I !*$#ing hate politics.

– J

Proper Training

March 19, 2009

Build-a-Blog request:  Ali – “A rant about: a) subway etiquette…”

I wasn’t going to do this topic right away, but after this morning’s commute it just needed to happen.

She got on the train and I thought, “Wow!  She’s cute.”  She saw me at the other end of the bench seat and smiled sweetly as she put her iPod ear-buds in.

She then started playing techno music so loud that I could hear every beat of it from six feet away, making her much less attractive than I originally assumed.  I’m not knocking techno here.  To each their own.  But for me personally, 8 o’clock in the A.M. is a bit early for a remix of “Get Your Sexy On” at 120 decibels.

I promise I’m not an old man who hates loud music.  Quite the opposite in fact.  It’s just that I have this crazy notion of respecting people around me and trying to be considerate.

The music thing is actually my number two aggravation on the subway.  It is topped only by those people so in luv they feel the need to make out in front of everyone to let us know.  A little PDA is fine, but I don’t believe The Subway Seat should be added to the Kama Sutra anytime soon.  And if ever I see a couple on the train making out while listening to loud music on their iPods, that’s it.  I’m pulling the emergency break cord and beating them with it.

– J (Saw Something and Said Something)

Thoughts on Voting

November 1, 2008

In America my religion is my choice.  My place of worship is my choice.  My political stance (if any) is my choice.  We have many choices that are ours to make on these topics and many others and nobody has the right to tell me what to do or how to do it.

So I ask the question – Why is the subject of voting exempt from these choices?  How come every damn person, poster and newspaper I see is telling me I have to vote?  How come I’m supposed to feel bad if I choose not to?  Why isn’t voting considered a personal choice like anything else affiliated with political preference? 

I don’t trust either candidate as far as I can throw them.  I don’t want either McCain or Obama to lead this country.  And I do not believe in voting for a “lesser of two evils”.  I think when voting becomes a defensive measure as opposed to an offensive measure working for the good of the country something is terribly wrong.  I think the system is flawed, the people involved are corrupt and shouldn’t be trusted.  Therefore I’m not voting on November 4th.  If I don’t support someone I’m not going to vote for them.  Plain and simple.

To any who would tell me I have no right to complain if I don’t vote…   If the person you vote into office flushes this country farther down the toilet, I don’t think YOU have the right to complain.  I think you will be part of the cause and therefore I’ll be pissed at you just as much as the administration in office.  Remember those “Don’t blame me, I didn’t vote for him…” bumper stickers?  Yeah, kind of like that.  Only I retain the right to say that about either candidate.  Folks, the political process is a crap shoot.  It’s an elaborate game of Russian Roulette that we play every four years and nobody knows how we’re going to fair or what’s going to happen.  For God’s sakes, you’re voting on POLITICIANS that you know nothing about except what the MEDIA tells you.  

“But J, what if everyone thought that way??”  

Everyone doesn’t.  It’s a non-issue and therefore you have no argument.

As a parallel to other rights and choices we have, if I go to church but do not take communion, do I lose my right to pray to God?  Certainly not.  In the same vein of thought, voting is an element of politics but in no way inhibits my rights of free speech as an American if I choose not to.

And furthermore, as much god awful, irritating, stupid and pointless protesting that has gone on lately don’t you DARE tell me I don’t have a voice.  If a “voice” includes using a swastika for the “s” in Bush’s name or making Obama monkey dolls (both equally ignorant, offensive and sick and both of which I’ve seen in person), I think I retain the right to my opinions regardless of whether or not I voted.

I try to keep a politics free blog.  For breaking that commitment I apologize but I feel like I’m going to explode if I don’t vent somewhere.  Frankly, this whole election season has beaten me down to a point of apathy.  Before ending this little fit, let me reaffirm the fact that at no time here have I said people should not be voting or spoken negatively of those that do.  I commend you for seeing a cause you believe in and taking an active role in it.  All I’m asking for is equal respect for my opinion since I am regularly forced to tolerate yours.

– J

Pick Your Battles

October 22, 2008

Why is agreeing to disagree so hard these days? 

Politics and religion are the obvious points where people will argue, but I’m seeing it everywhere and it’s getting frustrating.  I frequent a few video game websites and the article comments are riddled with vicious trash talk and insults about something as ridiculous as gaming consoles.  It’s XBox vs. Playstation vs. Wii in some kind of verbal death match.  If you like Wii, then apparently you have to degrade people who don’t and vice versa.  Personally, I play a Wii.  Why?  Because I don’t own a Playstation or an XBox yet.  How shall I ever get a good nights sleep knowing someone out there doesn’t like Mario Kart?  Come on, is this really worth arguing about?

And on a side note, I’m pretty sure all those rude and immature teens on the video game sites grow up and start commenting on CNN and Fox News websites.  You want to see the truly cruel and ignorant side of the American voting public, check their opinions pages sometime.

It’s painfully present in advertising.  If you’ve seen the Mac and PC ads then you know exactly what I’m talking about.  At the end of the day, does it really matter if someone likes Vista?  Are we trained to insist that we feel better than other people because of our preferences?

But I’m not saying I’m any better.  Anyone who’s ever offered me a Bud Light knows I won’t drink it and my default reaction was probably to make fun of you for liking it.  I prefer Sam Adams or Shiner Bock, but that gives me no right to insult something someone else enjoys.  Heck, I’m probably just jealous because Bud is cheaper.  Interesting observation – I’ve only ever seen that scenario played out over alcoholic beverages.  I’ve never heard someone say, “You drink Diet Coke??  What a lightweight!  Come on dude, grow a pair!”

My purpose in pointing out these observations is to get people to think about what they’re arguing about and then ask themselves if it’s really necessary.  I mean seriously, why CAN’T we all just get along?  It’s like we’re preconditioned to be aggressive with our opinions.  If we were all just a little more civil to people who think differently than us this world would be a much more pleasant place.  I’m not talking to the Democrats and the Republicans here (Thinking they’ll ever get along is just silly).  I’m talking to the types of people who drive Chevy’s that make fun of people who drive Ford’s.  Come on guys, just have a Bud Light Sam Adams and relax.

– J

Version -2.0

September 25, 2008

Time for a good ol’ rant. 

The entertainment industry’s lack of creativity has created a time when people in their twenties can say, “You know, back in my day…” and have merit in doing so.

As I type this, I am watching the new Knight Rider.  Words fail me to express my aggravation and disgust at this worthless piece of television.  But you know me, I’ll try anyway…

1) At least the original Knight Rider TRIED to acknowledge the existence of basic physics.  I just watched two grown adults jump into the bed of truck which then morphed into a Mustang (NOT a Trans Am), placing the two people comfortably in the front seats.  Huh?

2) That Mustang was then hit by a heat seeking missile filled with a form of napalm.  Fortunately, KITT “diverted just enough energy to deflect the blast” but the napalm covered the car turning it into a ball of flame on wheels.

Folks, this was before the opening credits.  The continued 30 minutes I’ve watched has been sexual references, impossible G.P.S. technology and the worst acting I’ve seen since the school play in seventh grade.

Oh wait!!  Somebody just stuck their wounded hand in KITT’s blankityblankin’ glove compartment and received stitches and local anesthetic.  I wouldn’t have bought that when I was 8!!  And now they are marketing this garbage to (presumably educated) adults?!

Yes, Knight Rider in the 80’s was campy and unbelievable.  Turbo Boost was laughable and KITT could supposedly open locked doors in buildings from across the street by remote.  I guess my problem is that all these awful remakes seem to take themselves seriously while their originals didn’t try so hard.  The 18 wheeler with 4 people in it from the original has been replaced by a top secret compound with a hundred people and plenty of pointless spinning blue and red mood lights. 

Special effects does not make everything better.  Neither does gratuitous sex.  I wish these producers would leave my childhood memories alone and quit ripping everything off.  God forbid someone do some creative work and come up with something new.

Ninja Turtles, Terminator, Knight Rider, Care Bears, Dukes of Hazzard, Beverley Hillbillies, Transformers, and Halloween come to mind just off the top of my head.  I know for a fact they are in works to make a new Robocop, GIJoe, Green Hornet and more.  And if remaking something isn’t enough, then they just turn everything that makes a little money into an unplanned trilogy (Pirates of the Caribbean) or add more sequels to already completed stories (Indiana Jones) thus sacrificing story and quality of film for profits because they know people will go see things regardless of whether or not they suck. 

Enough is enough already.

And you kids stay off my lawn!! *shakes fist*

Agree?  Disagree?  More examples to share?  Vent away!!

– J

Got Her Money’s Worth?

July 17, 2008

The Metro, a free newspaper provided to subway riders in NYC, brings this little gem by way of it’s front page this morning…

Here are the facts, in chronological order:

  1. Woman wears a $69 shirt saying “Obama is my Slave”
  2. Woman wears it in Union Square at night
  3. Woman gets attacked by 4 black women
  4. Woman wants to SUE THE MAKER OF THE SHIRT

How’s that again?  She believed enough in what the shirt said to pay 70 bucks to wear it.  It’s blatantly offensive and guaranteed to draw attention (why else would you wear something like that except for attention).  She gets assaulted and claims it’s the fault of the person who SOLD it to her??  This isn’t like buying a defective circular saw and loosing a finger.  This is an item that worked as advertised that she paid money to wear and got mugged because of her choice to do so. 

It’s true the 4 women shouldn’t have attacked her (because of the shirt nobody seems concerned that they are the only people in this article who committed any crimes), but I’m having a real hard time feeling sorry this woman.  As I’ve said before, just because you have a voice that doesn’t mean everyone needs to hear it.

– J

Look Out, He’s Gettin’ Political

June 17, 2008

I try to keep a politics free blog.  People get enough of that crap forced down their throats every day they don’t need to hear more of it from me.  When I do breech the subject, I try to keep it light.  I do, however, have a few general thoughts to share if anyone cares to know what some schmuck country boy living in the city thinks.

I believe America, as a whole, wants change.  We are tired of the negative image and the constant bickering.  I also think America, as a whole, doesn’t know what kind of change it wants (or needs) or how to go about attaining it.  I see most of the ways people attempt to bring about change are generally useless and ultimately futile.  They accomplish nothing and usually add more division to an already split country.  Allow me to expound:

How many hundreds of thousands of people in how many thousands of places have protested the war since it began over five years ago?  How many people have wasted weekend after weekend in Union Square barking at people while handing out “Buck Fush” pins and pestering people to sign petitions for Bush’s impeachment?  And has it done any good?  Any at all?  We’re still at war and GW is still president, so I guess not.  And God bless America people have that right to free speech and public protest.  I have the right to quit my job, fly to Vegas and spend every dime I have.  That doesn’t make it a good use of my freedoms though.

Meanwhile, some of the less sociable political activists write letters to news papers, spend hours starting fights on blogs, facebook groups and similar outlets.  These people feel the need to voice their opinions because it makes them feel like an intellectual and somehow validates their existence if they can get someone else as angry as they are.  In the end nothing is accomplished except a few more people being aggravated.  No real “change” has or ever will occur this way.  I just don’t think we’re ever going to read the headline, “Today, the one millionth member joined an anti-Obama facebook group entitled ‘One Million Strong Against Barack Obama’.  He will be no longer be allowed to run for president.”

Change’s current poster boy is Democratic nominee Barack Obama.  He has made a new career for himself based on the feeling that Americans want something different but don’t know exactly what.  They do want change and so he promises it to them.  It’s hip to hate Bush right now, so naturally he’s distanced himself from him by taking a completely different stance on nearly every key issue. 

The Republicans have produced John McCain.  The media of course aligns him with less change to hang on to the far right thinking vote.  This has prompted many Democrats to begin calling John McCain “McSame” as in, same policies as Bush.  Nice.  I just love that the adult (voting) public steals catch phrases from a television drama to degrade potential world leaders.  There are clearly some deep thinkers on both sides as some hardcore Republicans actually believe Obama is pure evil because his name RHYMES with Osama.  Sad but true.

There are some out there so convinced by what their media outlet of choice has been spoon feeding them that they DO NOT CARE who they vote for as long as they have a “D” or an “R” by their name.  People don’t seem to think about how dangerous this is. 

I believe there never will be effective change in this country until we have a unified front.  I also believe that’s just not going to happen any time soon.  I’m not a pessimist, I’m a realist.  America is so obsessed with reality television we have chosen to run this presidential election as such.  Depending on your affiliation there are good guys and bad guys fighting to stay on the political island.  And the reward isn’t money, folks.  It’s the office of President of the United States of America.  It feels more like people are cheering for their favorite football team than choosing a leader for this country that is in for such hard times ahead.  I envision a stadium split down the middle – red on one side, blue on the other, cheering their fool heads off for their “team”.  And after the game, these two sides are supposed to work together to run this country after dragging each others names in the mud for the past year.  The nation is split 50-50.  The only thing we’re deciding this election season is which 50 will get to be happy and which 50 will be bitter.

So that’s my two cents in Change.  Spend it however you want.

– J

Return to P.C. Land

June 6, 2008

You may recall my first trip to P.C. Land

I found another brochure for P.C. Land regarding its government and I wanted to share it with everyone.  Makes perfect sense to me.

Politics of P.C.

The political processes in P.C. Land are, of course, geared to ensure that everyone is happy and equal at all times.  As the term “President” seemed to leave people with the impression that their individual opinions weren’t the most important, P.C. Land has replaced this office with a Demographically United Non-Controversial Equalitarian.  The D.U.N.C.E.’s key role is to tell people whatever they want to hear, whenever they want to hear it, regardless of the actions they may take afterward.  The people of P.C. Land, you see, are generally content as long as they are being told they are getting their way. 

Election Season

Equality is the name of the game in P.C. Land.  Therefore anyone of any race, creed, color, species (as animals have equal rights to humans) or sex (if specified) can run for D.U.N.C.E. 

In order for everyone to feel included and important, each resident of P.C. Land (see previous brochure, footnote 2) is given a note card to write the one issue that is most important to them.  These cards are then mailed to potential D.U.N.C.E.’s and they read the name of the person who sent each card and their issue on television.  They then tell the person very sincerely that, “This issue is the first thing I will deal with once elected.”  Then they move on to the next card, and everyone is resonably happy.

As the campaign continues, the candidates then travel around the country politely telling everyone why they feel they are the best choice and taking advantage of any past personal problems other candidates may have had.  As candidates respectfully bash, degrade and assault one another (politely, of course), eventually the people decide who is the most manipulative, wealthy, lying, self-centered and two-faced.  This person is, logically, given the office of Demographically United Non-Controversial Equalitarian*(see footnote).

Times of War

War is bad and very, very rude.  People could get hurt.  Therefore we in P.C. Land reject any and all forms of war.  If a stern talking to won’t work, then the offending nations are clearly not playing fair and should cease and desist all bad acts and start thinking like we do at once.  If the offending persons continue to misbehave, then they will promptly be sent a very angry letter using forces including (but not limited to) italics, underscores and (in extreme cases) capital letters.

Citizen’s Rights

In P.C. Land you can do whatever you want, whenever you want, as long as it doesn’t offend anyone else. This makes for some pretty boring evenings since hardly anyone leaves their homes for fear of offending someone or being offended themselves. If you are offended, it is your right (some would say your duty) to tell the persons offending you that they have done so. It should be noted that your words will probably have little or no effect on him/her/it, but as long as you feel better that’s what really matters. 

P.C. Land. Government that revolves around YOU!!

*If for some reason there is a tie, the tie is broken by counting the number and size of P.C. Land flag pins the applicants wear on a given campaign day.  Whoever wears the most wins because these are the kinds of issues that deserve the most attention when campaigning

You’re Not Helping.

May 9, 2008

Anyone who regularly takes a subway has to endure certain irritations.  These include (but are definitely not limited to) beggars, loud iPods, teenagers and religious fanatics.

This morning, there was a particularly loud older lady on the train attempting to save EVERYONE from a fiery hell.  I was reading, so I didn’t have my iPod in and I heard every word she was saying.  I did not disagree with what she was saying in principal.  Jesus died, he rose from the grave, through him we have salvation, God loves us, etc.  The core facts she was spouting were true.  This was almost a relief compared to some of the other more vile things I’ve heard on the street.  I was informed a few weeks ago that God is black and hates all white people, for instance.

The problem is that you’re just not going to reach anyone by putting them in uncomfortable situations, even if your theology is sensible.  Furthermore, you’re not going to reach a New Yorker during their morning commute.  We want to be left ALONE because we probably haven’t had our coffee yet.  Bad timing aside, I believe that screaming about God’s love to total strangers just doesn’t give a good impression to people on the fence about accepting Christ.  

It’s all about balance.  Not saying anything to anyone about Christ is wrong.  The bible calls us to tell others about Christ’s love.   But there’s the other extreme which is running around forcing your religion down other people’s throats and slapping them with gospel tracts.  All you’re doing at that point is making Christians look bad and turning people away from God entirely.  You’ve hurt your own cause.  If you’re going to tell someone about Christ’s love, then you should be presenting it in a Christlike manner.

Happy Friday everyone!


Strike Striking

November 9, 2007
Alright.  Sure, yesterday I posted a humorous bit parodying one of my favorite shows and the writer’s strike.  Truth is I don’t watch much TV and won’t notice the strike in the least.  I don’t watch Letterman, The Tonight Show, ANY reality TV of ANY kind and most everything else isn’t fit to watch in the first place. 
Then I read the news this morning and see this. So now the Stagehand’s Union has seen what the writer’s have done and they’re talking about a strike to shut down Broadway.  This comes not too long after the second strike from the cab drivers here in the city in the past few months.  You know what?  I think we should strike paying taxes this February cause I just don’t think it’s fair anymore.  C’mon guys, they can’t arrest all of us!  And while we’re at it, let’s boycott something too.  I was raised Southern Baptist – that’s what we’re good at.  Down with the Devil Disney!!
This is getting ridiculous.  A group of people gets pissy about something and so they feel they have the right to inconvenience thousands of others until they feel better.  Unfortunately, they do have the right.  Entertainment industry: not really a big loss.  They could use a revamping anyway.  But the cab and subway unions have always pissed me off.  We’re talking millions of people who’s weeks are totally thrown off because they aren’t happy with their work environment.  Well I hate to break it to you, but you signed up for that job of your own volition.  You don’t like it?  Quit.  There are plenty of people out there who would be happy to have a job at all.  Geez, how selfish can you get?
Of course I want fairness for every worker.  Of course I don’t want anyone to go broke.  But I think there are more mature ways to deal with your problems than creating chaos just to get attention.  If I’m not mistaken, that’s what teenagers do that weren’t spanked enough.  Unions were created at a time when they were necessary.  There was unprecedented unfairness in the work place.  In the frikkin’ 30’s.  We’ve learned a few things since then.  The CEO’s of major companies (particularly those who offer important services to many) should be better at listening to their employees – but the employees should not throw wall-eyed fits every time they aren’t happy.  There has to be something in between.  Oh yeah, communication.
We’ve got men and women dying overseas for our very freedoms and we have the audacity to throw a fit cause it doesn’t pay well enough to ENTERTAIN people.  No wonder other countries want us dead.  Our priorities are about as out of whack as Picasso’s cow.
*phew* Been a while since I’ve had a good rant.  Feeling better already.
Happy Friday!