February

February.  The non-conformist month.  Other months had to pick between 30 or 31 days.  Nope, not February.  February said, “You know what, I’m just not that motivated.  I think 28 days is plenty.  And you know what else?  I’m going to put an “r” in my name just to confuse people.”

February is a lazy month and tries to put off doing as much actual ”work” as possible.  About halfway through, February likes to take advantage of all those people in lurv* and distracted by their lurvliness.  Then he coasts by the last week or so.  Usually by tossing in random snow storms to keep people occupied. 

You may not know this, but March and February do not get along.  The reason March feels like it takes forever is because it has 31 days to pick up February’s slack. 

But every 4 years or so February gets motivated.  “Okay, fine.  Sorry I’ve been a bum lately, guys.  I’m going to do more to pull my weight around here.  I’m going to add another day.  Because I’m just that kind of month.  Please, please…  Don’t thank me.  Glad to help out.”

And the other months think, “Maybe this time he means it.  Maybe he really is changing for the better.  Who knows?  Next year he might finally hit 30 days like the rest of us.”

But he never does.  He goes right back to his old routine.  Some months just never change.

- J

*Lurv - The early stages of love, when it’s still in that pubescent stage that (like any teenager) annoys the crap out of everyone within a 20 foot radius.  Except the two people in it, of course.

Legion

Save your nickels, folks.  Wow.  Don’t even waste a Netflix rental.

Ignoring (for a moment) the numerous religious fallacies, this movie was just bad.  Some of the worst acting I’ve seen in a while.  It tries so hard to be creepy and engaging that it actually comes across comical.  Not once did I find myself wondering 1) What’s going to happen or 2) Caring.

On the subject of religion, I am a firm believer in freedom to do whatever you want (as long as it doesn’t involve blowing up anyone).  This story is clearly fiction and so I don’t take it personally if they want to tell another version of things.  I have a particular grudge against self-righteous Christians that feel the need to protest anything and everything that says they’re wrong.  And I’m trying really hard not to sound like one here.

But.  These guys had a story they wanted to tell about God and his angels.  And that particular story went against just about everything the bible says about both.

“Hmm,” thought the writers.  “How can we get around the fact that our story is negated by everything the bible says and what most people believe?”

After a moment of silence someone says, “I’ve got it!  We’ll just say the bible wasn’t true!”

And thus, one plot hole of many was covered with scotch tape.

My problem is not that they skewered what I believe.  I’m strong enough in my faith that a movie is not going to challenge that or upset me.  It’s that they did it with such cheap plot devices.  If you’re going to have the balls to make a movie in which God breaks promises, lets angels outsmart him and then tell me the bible wasn’t true…  Then you better do it convincingly.

- J

A Sports Story

“I wish my shoes made that neat squeaky noise on the floor like everyone else’s.  I wonder why they don’t…”

A loud whistle is blown

“Oh yeah, I’m playing basketball.  Everybody is running that way, so I guess I’ll do that too (and hope for a squeaky noise).”

Our hero searches the other end of the court for the number he has been assigned to guard.  He finds the number attached to an unfortunately large and menacing child.  Seeing that “guarding” is out of the question, he settles for “annoyingly bumping shoulders with”.

“Who’s bright idea was this? I’m 60 pounds and they have me guarding a child the shape of an athletic VW bus.”

They score.  Everybody heads down to the other end of the court.  He again follows.  Once there, he finds that something has suddenly been thrust into his hands.

“Oh my gosh…  I have the ball.  They gave me the ball!  This is it!!  This is my moment.  Wait, what am I thinking??  PASS!!!  Pass the bloody ball!!!  Somebody save me, please!  Crap, no one open.  Screw it.”

He spins to the left very dramatically and lunges with not quite pin-point accuracy.  The ball bounces around the rim a bit and goes through the goal.

“Aaaaah!  I made a goal!!!!   I get a high-five now, right??  The cool kid just high-fived me!  Now what?  Oh yeah, run back to the other end of the court.  Again.  *sigh*”

And so goes the story of the first and only shot I ever made in a real basketball game.

- J

Worth Sharing

Hey guys!

Wanted to share a pretty cool resource for us New Yorker’s (home-grown or transplanted).  First shown to me by Melissa over at baby rocks (a wonderful new site, proudly brought to you by tumblr).

Neighborhoodr

I might be a little late to this particular party, so forgive me if you’ve already heard about it.  It’s a great way to find out what’s up in whatever piece of NYC you’ve chosen to call home.  I may start submitting to it if I come across anything worth sharing in my ‘hood.

Happy Wednesday!!

- J

Political Quote

I keep an eye on politics the same way I keep an eye on a guy I don’t like at a party.  I have no desire to interact with him but I always want to know what he’s up to.

- J

More Deep Thoughts

How come the orange was exempt from needing a real name?  Apple, pear, strawberry, grape, etc, all had to have real names.  Was the first orange ever discovered so perplexing that it couldn’t be described any way other than its color?  Why didn’t the lemon end up being called a yellow?  They’re pretty much the same thing.  Clearly the lemon was discovered by a more creative person.

I’m serious.  Someone associated a word as silly as ”banana” with a yellow peely thing and it stuck, but an orange peely thing is just called “orange”?

Yes, these are the kinds of things I think about when I’m alone on the train.  And as a result I am now on a personal quest to find a proper name for the “orange”.  And with words like “kumquat” out there I’m free to be as ridiculous as I want.  Suggestions welcome.

- J

Haiti Relief Opportunities

The disaster in Haiti stirred up all kinds of emotions in people.  One of those might be helplessness.  That’s how I feel anyway.  This Sunday Forefront is taking a special offering and they’re also partnering with a few trusted organizations.  Here’s a link to get you started if you want to help financially.

Charity Water is using their office in NYC as a drop off point for a supply plane going to Haiti Tuesday.  Details are here.  I’m going to take some stuff on Saturday.  If you want to donate but can’t make it to the office then let me know where you are and I’ll come get it. 

This is a tragedy, but it’s also an opportunity for people of all beliefs (and politics) to come together under a single cause: Helping those in need.  God can and will move through the lives of those who receive aid coming in from around the world and also in the lives of those who experience what it feels like to help others in real need.

- J

Weekend Music

Hi there!

Couple of good musical opportunities for your 3 day weekend if you’re in NYC. 

First up, Sunday night Jason Webley is doing a show at Parkside Lounge.  This will be my 4th time seeing him live and I’ve never left dissapointed.

And then on Monday night Walking Upright plays The Bitter End.  These guys are a lot of fun.  They’re debuting a new album so I’m looking forward to a some new songs and some special guests.

I do so enjoy good live music.

- J

Happy Slightly Broken In Year

When is the cutoff for greeting someone with “Happy New Year”?  How long does it take for the new to officially wear off a year?  Should we keep updating the greeting as the year progresses?  In November should I be wishing people a Happy Old Year?

You know, sometimes I wonder if I think too far outside the box. 

- J

Final Thoughts

What does one do for the last post of a decade?  List all the resolutions I have no intention of keeping?  A top 10 of 2009?  A photo gallery of the past 10 years?

Meh.  It’s all been done or is being done elsewhere.  Let’s talk about cartoons!

One of my favorite movies growing up (and to this day) is Transformers: The Movie circa 1986.  Eighties rock, Optimus Prime, Leonard Nimoy and Orson ”This is Probably What God Sounds Like” Welles.  What more do you need in a movie?  I remember watching it a while back and laughing at the narrator’s opening line (in slow epic voice, Jon):

“THE YEAR IS TWO-THOUSAND AND FIVE!!!”

When I saw that somewhere around the age of 6 or 7, it didn’t even register as a valid date.  It entered my head as “crazy way off in the future”.  It would be like a movie today taking place in the year 3056 or something.  Now it’s not only past 2005 but we’re already onto 2010, an even more futuristic sounding year.  In that movie Daniel had a hoverboard and giant transforming robots for friends.  Five years late, I’m beginning to feel the eensiest bit gypped here.

Y’know what?  I don’t care what 2010 holds.  I won’t be satisfied till I get my very own transforming exosuit and giant robot dinosaur. 

Happy (non-hoverboarding) New Year.

- J